Lazy, weak men and clueless strangers
My husband, who retired recently, is making me more and more angry. Every time I ask him to help with household chores, he refuses and thinks he’s funny when he says he can’t exert himself because he’s protecting me. He says he’s saving me from becoming a widow.
I work part time, but because I’m home a lot, he thinks I can do everything myself. I’ve already talked seriously with him, but he won’t take it seriously.
How can I get him to stop constantly saying he’s protecting me and saving me from becoming a widow?
— Disgusted Wife
Tell him to stop worrying because you’ve decided it’s okay to be a widow! Tell him the reason you ask for his help is because you’re protecting him from becoming a divorcé.
Then stop arguing and stop taking care of his things. Do just what’s needed for you. In other words, no clean socks, no clean shirts, no suits to or back from the cleaners, no dinner, no ____ (you can fill in the blank).
Make a list of things that need to get done in the house. Tell him services will resume when he agrees to which chores he’ll take part in.
And change your vocabulary. “Helping” is not the word. “Sharing” is the acceptable word and attitude.
I’m a fair-skinned, blue-eyed Caucasian. My husband is Caucasian also, but Middle Eastern with dark skin and hair.
We’re taking care of our 6-year-old grandson for a while. He is dark like his grandfather. When he’s with me alone some people have assumed he’s adopted. Now that he’s older, some people are saying it to him.
I got very angry at a woman who ignored me and bent down to my grandson and said, “Oh, aren’t you a lucky little boy that you got chosen to be adopted.” My grandson started to cry and keeps asking me now if he’s adopted.
What do I do with people like that? I’d really like to zing it to them.
Adopt an attitude of disbelief. First: “No he’s not adopted.”
Second: “It’s unbelievable that a mature person would say something to a child without knowing anything about him.”
And third, if you have to zing: “How unlucky you are to be chosen as head of the clueless list.”
Show your grandson his birth certificate and pictures of him as an infant with his parents. Be matter-of-fact about it.
After that, tell him that although he doesn’t happen to be adopted, some children are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Tell him also that parents tell their children if they’re adopted.
What’s lucky is having loving parents and grandparents, adopted or not.
These days, most of the men I meet are weak. They’re more sensitive than some I used to meet before I was married, but that means they want to lean on me as well.
Now that I’m divorced, I’d like to be with a man I can lean on to fix things, and someone I can trust to take over if something’s wrong. I guess I want a strong man, but where do you find a strong man these days?
Join the circus.
© Helen Oxenberg, 2018. Questions to be considered for this column may be sent to: The Beacon, P.O. Box 2227, Silver Spring, MD 20915. You may also email the author at email@example.com. To inquire about reprint rights, call (609) 655-3684.