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Dear Solutions:
I’ve become very friendly with a woman who moved into town recently. She’s divorced. Not too long ago she met a man, and she’s been going out with him a lot and having a lot of sexual experiences.
She asks me to have lunch with her very often, and constantly discusses her sexual activity with her boyfriend in detail. We’re both seniors, and I’m embarrassed by all this.
I’m not married and not interested, although I like her when she’s not talking that way. How can I get her to stop and still be friendly?

— Anne

Dear Anne:
Tell her you’re too young to go to an X-rated lunch!
Explain that you feel as though you’re in bed with her and her boyfriend, and you’re really not interested in a ménage a trois. You prefer to choose your own bed partners, and right now that’s you alone.
After that, go on to other subjects reassuring her that you enjoy her company and would like to keep meeting with her. But let her know that if she doesn’t clean up her act, she’ll have to leave town and take it on the road.

Dear Solutions:
I don’t know how to get out of this dilemma. I’m a senior and widowed now, and I’d like to have dinner with friends rather than eat alone.
Some of those friends are women I’m not interested in romantically but would enjoy having dinner with once in a while. If I ask them to have dinner with me, am I expected to pay? If not, how do I get this idea across to them?

— Phil

Dear Phil:
I’m afraid you’ll have to use the “C” word. I know it has been banned in many places and is often replaced with “magical thinking,” but it’s time to bring it back and use it.
The word is “communication”! Shocking, but not actually vulgar, it has often been used to straighten out and clarify misunderstandings.
Say, honestly, “I really consider you a friend, and would like to have dinner with you once in a while. Can we do this as equals and each pay for ourselves? I would enjoy your company.”
At least then it’s not a multiple choice dilemma — just a “yes” or “no” will do.

Dear Solutions:
At this age, I shouldn’t be as upset as I feel about this problem, but I am, and I need help to deal with it.
I’m not married anymore, but I’ve been living with a widower in a committed relationship for many years.
We live in a community where there are many widowed women — many more than single men. One of these women, a widow, has been “coming on” to my guy. She has been doing this for years, and it’s very obvious.
Of course, it’s very flattering to a man, and although he has assured me over and over that he doesn’t want me to leave him and he’s where he wants to be and is not going anywhere, I guess it’s too tempting for him not to react in some way. It’s very seductive.
This has caused some very disturbing arguments, which I’m sure that woman would be glad to hear. Because we are in a tightknit community and are often in social settings together, I have said nothing to her. But I’m tired of feeling that women think they can step on another woman, and she will not say anything.
What to say to her, if anything?

— Enough!

Dear Enough!
Actually, “Enough!” is the right answer. However, to the widow just say, “I’m sorry you don’t have a man in your life right now, but the man I live with is not up for grabs, so CUT IT OUT!” Then smile and move on.

© Helen Oxenberg, 2018. Questions to be considered for this column may be sent to: The Beacon, P.O. Box 2227, Silver Spring, MD 20915. You may also email the author at helox72@comcast.net. To inquire about reprint rights, call (609) 655-3684.