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A few weeks ago, my 13-year-old grandson left his phone in the refrigerator. He had gone looking for snack, put his phone down on a shelf, and left the phone behind when he closed the refrigerator door. He thought this was hilarious.

If it happened to me, I would think it was anything but. At 82, I am constantly on the alert for signs of the onset of dementia.

I am not alone. In 2024, the Centers for Disease Control reported that nearly half of adults over 40 think that they are likely to develop dementia.

Unfortunately, we have good reason to be worried, according to recent research released by the National Institute on Aging (NIA). New research estimates that the lifetime risk of dementia after age 55 is 42%.

That is double previous estimates, according to the NIA. But much of the increase is due to the fact that we are living longer, and more cases of dementia are being professionally diagnosed.

And the greatest risk occurs after age 85. Dementia risk is only 4% by age 75 and 20% by age 85.

Aging has its benefits, too

I have already experienced that which is defined as normal aging — struggling to remember a name or forgetting where I left my cell phone. (Note to self: Not having a cell phone seemingly implanted at birth does make a difference.)

However, aging may also bring positive cognitive changes, according to the NIA. Several studies have shown that older adults have larger vocabularies and greater knowledge of the depth of meaning of words than younger adults.

Older adults may also have learned from their many years of accumulated knowledge and experiences. Whether and how older adults apply this knowledge, and how the brain changes as a result, is an area that researchers are actively exploring.

Another focus of NIA research is the possibility of slowing the senescence, or aging, of cells through calorie reduction. There are also a number of studies linking physical activity to better brain heath.

Checklists aren’t definitive

The newly released dementia numbers were sobering enough for me to go through the Alzheimer’s Society’s checklist for possible dementia symptoms.

This is where it got complicated. I would have to answer “yes” to “struggling to find the right word,” “difficulty getting enough sleep,” and “symptoms of anxiety, feeling very worried or uneasy.”

I could confidently answer “no” to “getting lost in familiar places,” “asking the same question over again or repeating phrases” and “making reckless decisions.”

Then there were the “maybes.” Acting inappropriately? My children would say, “Sometimes our mother is downright embarrassing.”

“Losing track of time or dates?” Now that I am not working in an office Monday to Friday, it takes a concerted effort to keep track of what day it is.

Fear about my mental state increases when I obsess about my current lifestyle. I still write in cursive and I have a favorite pen.

The TV news shows I watch advertise drugs, catheters and home healthcare. Many of the drug ads list death as one of the side effects.

I catch myself using words and phrases younger people never use, like “pocketbook” and “beauty parlor.” I cannot Venmo.

And one of the standard tests given to post-stroke patients is counting backward from 100 by sevens. I couldn’t do this at 22, let alone 82.

So I made up my own rule

I’ve come to realize that many of the “symptoms of dementia” can be the result of personality rather than mental deterioration.

For instance, I have friends who get lost driving out of their neighborhoods. They have never had good senses of direction, and they never will.

To ease my dementia anxiety, I created the Milk Rule for assessing mental health: I am okay if whatever I’m doing now is the same thing I probably did 30 years ago.

I was anxious, sleep deprived, and had difficulty judging distances back then. I sometimes called one of my two children by the other’s name. I drove my daughter to sleep-away camp a day early because I got the dates wrong.

Now I am less panicked about putting objects in unusual places. So far, I haven’t left my phone in the refrigerator. But if I do it just once, it’s no big deal. Just ask my grandson.

Leslie Milk is a former Washington Post columnist and lifestyle editor of the Washingtonian magazine.