Photo by Centre for Ageing Better | Unsplash

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“What’s wrong with me? I feel so stupid!”

My client Joan (not her real name) and I were looking at her iPad together. Joan retired from a long career as a social worker. She raised three children and manages all her own affairs. At 83 she’s still elegant, articulate and active in her social circle.

Still, she was humbled by this tablet. “Why does this iPad make me feel like a bumbling kindergartener?” she asked.

Although Joan didn’t really want an iPad (or a smartphone, for that matter), her children surprised her with one for her birthday. They promised it would open the magical world of the internet for her and make life much more convenient.

In reality, it only made her feel inept, frustrated and ashamed. When her son set it up for her, his fingers flew across the screen as he showed her all kinds of “apps” and websites. Once he was gone, she said, everything he said was just a blur.

But she was embarrassed to keep calling her son for help. Whenever she did, he would tell her to “tap” this or “scroll” that or enter a “login,” which sounded like a foreign language.

The truth is that learning to use technology is like learning a new language. It can also feel like finding yourself in an unfamiliar city with no map, where you can’t read the signs.

Being at ease with technology doesn’t have to do with being smart. It’s just a result of how your brain works as well as having had opportunities to learn bit by bit.

We live in a time when having an aptitude for technology and being young enough to have grown up with it is an advantage.

It’s sad and unfair that people who are older and/or don’t have enough of that aptitude can end up feeling left out, frustrated and foolish.

Explaining this to Joan helped relieve some of her anxiety and gave her hope that she could learn to use her iPad and smartphone.

Repetition helps

Learning to use these gadgets is like learning to drive or becoming better at a sport. It takes repetition, attention to detail and focusing on only a few things at a time.

As I got to know Joan, I found ways to explain things in ways that made sense to her. Little by little, she became comfortable checking her email and eventually looking at her medical records, shopping for things and even searching for information online.

I told Joan to call me if she got stuck, and most often I could just remind her of some small detail so she could get going again. Now she no longer feels lost and helpless when faced with a screen.

Often, people who are comfortable using technology are not necessarily good at explaining it or teaching it to others. Trying to get help from relatives or friends who whiz around their phones or tablets can often be frustrating and even end up causing tension in the relationship when you don’t “get it” as quickly as they think you should.

I first started helping people learn to use computers more than 20 years ago. Back then my first “lesson” was to reassure them that they did not have to learn to use these strange new machines.

But today, computers are only one of the wide range of digital devices that have invaded every corner of our lives: mobile phones, smart TVs, tablets, Alexas, video doorbells, etc. Something new comes out almost every month, and with updates or newer versions, you may have to learn to use them all over again!

These days it’s almost impossible to shop for essential items, much less manage your bank account or get medical care, without having an email address or cell phone number. Even when you go to a store, restaurant or office in person you may be forced to use an app or be confronted with a screen to sign in or place your order.

Best ways to learn

There are plenty of books, YouTube videos and classes promising to teach you about computers, smartphones, tablets, etc.

Books are outdated before they’re even published. Classes try to be everything to everybody (though they can be helpful in some cases).

I’ve found that the best way to learn is one-on-one. That’s because each person learns and thinks differently. Each of us has our own strengths and challenges, not to mention different devices and different things we need to do with them.

With just a little patience and time, and perhaps the right coach, almost everyone can become confident and proficient with their devices.

Remember, it’s not you who’s dumb; it’s technology! There are much more important things in life, but if you want to learn to use technology, you can.

Check your local library or senior center for free technology classes. For more information about Julia Hammid’s classes, call (443) 436-2612 or email tech.coach4all@gmail.com.