Drop the silent treatment for a fair fight
When my wife and I have a disagreement, I keep my temper by not talking any more.
She says I give her the silent treatment to punish her. I do this to keep from yelling at her and to end the argument. If I tell her this, it just starts another fight.
How can I ever end the fighting?
I’m afraid your silent “treatment” will never lead to a cure!
Silence keeps a fight going because nothing gets resolved. Besides, unless you’re as disciplined as a monk, it’s hard to keep keeping your mouth shut for long.
Try a talking cure instead. Fight fair. Say how you feel or are affected by something without accusing her. Be willing to compromise.
Silence is not golden if it doesn’t have a pay-off.
I’m widowed, and friends are going to introduce me to some single men they know. Is it alright if I ask a man what his income is when I meet him so I can find out if he’s financially stable?
Will he think I’m a gold digger?
Congratulations. Nobody knows what the perfect turn-on is, but you’ve certainly come up with the perfect turn-off!
Don’t ask because he certainly won’t tell.
If you get to know a little about him — slowly — you’ll probably find out what kind of work he does, and that should give you a clue about his income.
What will you answer when he asks about your income? Will you think he’s a “gold digger”?
I’m writing about my mother-in-law, who’s a senior, so I hope you can help me.
I have one daughter who is going to go to nursery school soon.
My mother-in-law used to live out of state, but she moved close by. She bought a whole wardrobe of clothing for my daughter, saying “She’s going to nursery school soon, so she has to be dressed properly.”
I’m very upset because I see it as a criticism of the way I dress my child. I want to return the whole thing. My husband says she’s just being generous.
I’m furious at both of them. Should I return the things?
What you really want to return is your mother-in-law!
She wants to take title to your children. You’re angry at her effort to control your family. You’re angry at the implied criticism of your taste. You’re angry at your husband because he’s defending his mother.
Give her the benefit of the doubt. Tell her you appreciate her generosity, and you’re sure she’ll understand that you look forward to the pleasure of picking out clothing yourself for your first child.
Let mother-in-law stay: let husband stay; return clothing.
© Helen Oxenberg, 2018. Questions to be considered for this column may be sent to: The Beacon, P.O. Box 2227, Silver Spring, MD 20915. You may also email the author at firstname.lastname@example.org. To inquire about reprint rights, call (609) 655-3684.