For teens and seniors in the dating game
Alexis Bentz is a senior at Wootton High School in Rockville, Maryland. She has been writing this column encouraging intergenerational communication since middle school.
On television or in cinema, romantic comedies are relatively formulaic: Two people meet, instantly hit it off, go through minor relationship drama that may involve pouring rain or an airport chase scene, and then ultimately live happily ever after.
In reality, of course, dating isn’t that easy. This is especially true for teenagers and older adults.
Teens are new to the dating game and have little romantic experience. As for seniors, it may have been years since their last date, making the prospect of “putting themselves out there” daunting.
At the same time, dating can also be exciting for both age groups, and an experience they can talk about with each other as friends.
Teenage relationships
According to Psychology Today, “In the U.S., teens begin dating around the age of 13, and by the age of 16, more than 90% of teens have had at least one date.”
These days, when you hear that 12-year-olds are “dating,” it likely means they merely swapped phone numbers or perhaps held hands in the school hallway. However, by the age of 15 or 16, relationships tend to become deeper and more mature.
While many parents are anxious about the idea of teenage children dating, romantic relationships can actually be quite positive for adolescents’ social development.
Considering that the average age of marriage has significantly increased over time (it’s currently 27 for women and 29 for men, according to Psychology Today), dating in the teen years can be great practice for more long-term, stable relationships in the future, as well as an opportunity to have fun.
That being said, dating in high school comes with its own set of difficulties. With many inaccurate, sugar-coated portrayals of romance in the media, many teenagers find it challenging to cope with unrealistic expectations of how dating ought to be.
It is also often difficult for teens to set boundaries with their parents over the balance between supervision and freedom.
Peer pressure also plays a major role. Teens are at various stages of comfort with romance, and many feel pressured to take action before they’re ready. And regardless of age, dating abuse, whether physical, verbal or sexual, is always a potential concern.
For these reasons, it is important that adolescents and their guardians have candid conversations about dating. Teens need to understand warning signs in relationships, how to communicate their feelings and desires, and the importance of respect and mutual trust.
Parents should work with their children to create agreed-upon boundaries that enable teens to have fun while still ensuring their health and safety, such as establishing a curfew.
In this way, teens will likely feel more comfortable communicating with their parents or guardians about their relationships as they take their first steps into the dating world.
Dating in later life
For older adults, dating can be just as exhilarating and intimidating as it is for teenagers.
It might be assumed that, as we age, dating is no longer a concern. However, whether due to the tragic loss of a spouse, divorce or otherwise, many older adults find themselves single and thrust into the dating game once more.
This can be a remarkably positive experience. Not only does it keep them active and social, it may also introduce someone exciting and compatible into their lives.
Compared with teens, however, dating in later life may take on a different meaning. While young adults seeking romantic partners may be picky about age, appearance, religious and political beliefs, and the like, many of these factors don’t matter as much to older adults.
In fact, many dating seniors say they want nothing more than a companion to spend time with. And, since they’ve already had dating and, often, marriage experience, older adults often feel more comfortable being honest with their partners about their wants and needs.
Still, dating as an older adult can be complicated. Many online dating sites are designed to meet the needs of 20-somethings, who prefer “messaging” potential partners before a first date rather than calling them — or even skip prior contact altogether.
This isn’t necessarily compatible with the desires of older adults, who are accustomed to more personal interactions. Fortunately, there are dating sites and apps designed specifically for older adults, such as SilverSingles.com and SeniorMatch.com.
In truth, it doesn’t matter how old you are — dating is frustrating, terrifying, exhilarating and magical all at once.
When you’re next able to spend time with a younger friend, take advantage of this commonality. You can talk to each other about what you’ve learned about relationships and how to stay safe in them.
