Betty Cherniak started a Happiness Club in Baltimore County more than a decade ago to help herself and others find greater happiness in life. At club meetings, conducted via conference call, she encourages people to be grateful and to stay in the present moment. “Learning to be happy is the most valuable skill in life, and it’s an acquirable skill,” Cherniak said. Photo courtesy of Betty Cherniak

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“Don’t believe everything you think.”

According to Baltimorean Betty Cherniak, who sports that advice on a bumper sticker, our thoughts get in the way of our happiness.

“Thoughts run our lives 24/7,” Cherniak explained in an interview with the Beacon. “They create our reality, but they are not real. We must learn to use our minds instead of letting our minds use us.”

After researching what leads to happiness, Cherniak founded the Baltimore Happiness Club in 2011 to share her knowledge with others. Simple habits such as focusing on the present moment and being grateful for the good things in our lives can help.

Cherniak has been a spiritual seeker since the 1970s, when she began practicing Zen meditation in Berkeley, California. She met and married kindred spirit Jay Cherniak and converted to Judaism along the way.

Cherniak wasn’t always the positive thinker she is today. “I decided as a teenager that it is better to be negative,” she recalled. “That way, you won’t hurt as much when things don’t work out.”

But when her first child was born in 1980, Cherniak decided to put an end to that way of thinking. “I can’t mope,” she decided.

Why aren’t we happier?

Nonetheless, when all five of her children were grown and had children of their own, Cherniak started wondering why she wasn’t as happy as she thought she should be. She had a good marriage, loved spending time with her children and grandchildren, and enjoyed the sense of community the family found when they moved to Baltimore in 1994.

“I wasn’t unhappy, but there was no reason that I shouldn’t be happier,” she recalled thinking.

At 65 and approaching retirement from her job as a copyeditor at a scientific journal, Cherniak began studying the subject of happiness. She found that there was no lack of information to address the problem of unhappiness.

“It’s ironic: Life is better today than it has ever been, but there is still so much unhappiness,” she said.

Her research led her to books by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, a Baltimore native living in Israel who started the Joy Club of Jerusalem.

Through Pliskin, she learned about Lionel Ketchian, owner of a printing business in Fairfield, Connecticut. He launched the Happiness Club in 1999, spawning a movement. Today, there are estimated to be more than 1,000 happiness clubs in towns and universities nationally and internationally.

Both Pliskin and Ketchian believe that our thoughts control our moods. For instance, we can be upset because we’re worried about the future.

There’s a simple remedy for that, Pliskin said. “You imagine things that [most likely won’t] happen. So, therefore, imagine great things that might happen,” Pliskin advised.

Cherniak also credits author Richard Carlson, best known for his book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, for his teachings on happiness. From Carlson she learned to choose her battles and let go of the things not worth fighting over. She also adopted his belief in the importance of living in the present.

“I wore out his CD, titled ‘You Can Be Happy No Matter What,’” which she listened to in the car, Cherniak said.

In his lectures, which can be found on YouTube, Ketchian also acknowledges that the phrase “no matter what” is key.

“You can be happy in the moment even if you’re not happy with everything that’s happening,” Ketchian observed in his lecture titled “The Happiness Decision,” an installment of The Happiness Show, available on YouTube.

‘GPS’ guides the way

Cherniak synthesized everything she read about happiness into three essential elements, which she calls GPS: Gratitude, Present, Smile.

“When you get lost in your head, you need GPS for directions,” she said.

She uses those three concepts in a five-second exercise: “Breathe in and say, ‘I know I am breathing in,’ so you remain in the present. Then breathe out, smile, and say thank you.”

Studies have demonstrated that the physical act of smiling or laughing can change our body chemistry.

“Smiling is a free face-lift. It sends a message to your brain, and it’s contagious,” Cherniak maintains.

The same can be said of laughter, according to Cherniak, who will soon be taking a course in “laughter yoga” — a combination of poses, breathing exercises and laughing.

Those who preach the gospel of happiness acknowledge that people can’t always be happy. After all, people experience loss and other challenges.

But Cherniak believes we can “maximize the ‘up’ times and shorten the intervals of unhappiness.” As a case in point, Cherniak noted that she was in Israel visiting her daughter during the Oct. 7 Hamas attack.

“We heard sonic booms, rockets from Gaza [hit by] the Iron Dome’s air defense system. But you really know you’re in a war zone when you can’t get out,” recalled Cherniak, whose return flight home was delayed.

To stay positive, Cherniak limited her sources of information to a few reputable online news sites, since it is her belief that “the news does not reflect reality.”

She also joined a WhatsApp group called “Am Yisrael Chai Positivity,” which Israelis created after the attack to “help us all share the beauty and strength of our nation and family.”

You can learn to be happy

After immersing herself in the study of happiness, Cherniak felt compelled to share her knowledge with others.

“Learning to be happy is the most valuable skill in life, and it’s an acquirable skill,” she said.

She clicked on “How to Start a Happiness Club” on Ketchian’s website (happinessclub.com) and completed and submitted the form. Almost immediately, she heard from Ketchian, expressing his support.

Next, Cherniak needed a meeting place, so she reserved a conference room at the Enoch Pratt Free Library.

When asked how many people would attend, Cherniak said, “One,” not sure anyone would join her. But to her surprise, several showed up, and attendance continued to grow.

The meetings are not a place to vent the day’s gripes, she pointed out. Instead, members might discuss how to find a purpose in life, or how to allow negative thoughts to pass instead of getting stuck on them.

“I’m not a psychotherapist, and the club’s not therapy. It’s not about fixing specific problems. It’s a support group for people who want to be happier,” she explained. She describes her approach to leading the group as “eclectic — incorporating mindfulness.”

Cherniak ran the weekly group in person for about a decade before Covid forced the move to Zoom.

She recently held an in-person group for members of Northwest Neighbors Connecting (NNC), a senior village in northwest Baltimore. The “village” concept allows members to give and receive services on a volunteer basis, which helps older people age in place.

She reminds older people that they can continue to change and grow. “We can’t add quantity to our lives, but we can add quality.”

This spring, Cherniak has adopted a new habit for a happier lifestyle. “My motto for the new year is ‘Laugh out loud more in 2024,’” she said. “I need a bumper sticker saying that.”

You can join The Happiness Club, which meets on Thursdays at 1 p.m., via conference call:  Dial (848) 220-3300, use meeting code 641-9914#.