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Warren Mullisen, 81, of Culver City, Calif., was a runner all his life and competed in numerous marathons.

But a few years ago, he slipped on loose gravel while running up a trail and fell backward, hitting his head. He suffered a brain injury that impaired his balance.

“The legs don’t seem to move when I’m trying to run,” he said. Despite physical therapy, his neurologist said that most likely won’t change.

It has been, he said, “a daily struggle of coping and adjustment.”

Facing declining abilities is always hard, especially in a society where the pressure to “age well” is so prevalent.

The habits for a happy retirement are fairly clear — exercise, build social networks, take up hobbies, volunteer — and the promised benefit is that you can remain active and alert as the years pass. Those benefits might not always follow, though.

Most people experience growing older as a combination of delights and difficulties. All of us face the same struggle: The body or mind (or both) stops performing as well as it used to. Yet we continue to compare ourselves to others or to our younger selves.

“A lot of the struggle comes from the gap between what aging ‘should’ look like in the modern narrative and what aging actually looks like for real people,” said Pouyan Golshani, an interventional radiologist.

“I’ve watched older adults thrive once they stop judging themselves against their younger brain. It’s not about outrunning limitations — it’s about staying curious and adjusting with dignity.”

What is aging well?

When viewed simplistically, the concept of “successful aging” can too easily translate into the idea that people have somehow failed if they’re not healthy, fit and financially well off in later years.

“There is this sort of odd American thing where we believe that we can always be the exception, and somehow the exception becomes the goal or the standard,” said Michelle Putnam, director of the Gerontology Institute at the University of Massachusetts, Boston.

Most people say they want to age well, but what exactly does that mean?

A 2024 international survey found that among the almost 2,000 people who responded, the most prominent theme when asked to define aging well was “active, independent and engaged.”

“That is in contrast to the conception that successful aging is solely or predominately related to the absence of disease or decline,” the authors wrote.

A recent Pew Research survey on how Americans think about aging and experiences found that 67% of those 65 years and older believe they have control over their physical health and 60% over their physical mobility. Fewer than half (47%) believe they have control over their mental sharpness.

The reality is, according to the U.S. Census, that almost a quarter of those 65 and older have a disability. That number nearly doubles, to 46%, for those 75 and older.

Lessons learned about aging well

Almost everyone faces physical and mental decline as they age, but that doesn’t mean those symptoms are solely due to getting older. Sometimes, too much or the wrong medication can cause confusion and memory loss, mimicking dementia.

Physical or occupational therapy can help improve strength and mobility at all ages. If your doctor or other medical provider is dismissive of your concerns, seek out another.

It can help to consult with an expert. Occupational therapists trained as driver rehabilitation specialists, for example, can evaluate older drivers and, in some cases, offer ways to help them continue driving.

Some communities can make easy, inexpensive changes to make aging easier, such as installing benches in grocery stores and other places for a brief respite or toning down background music to make it easier for people to hear.

“Being more inclusive of older adults is good for everybody, and sometimes that gets lost,” Putnam said.

© 2026 The Kiplinger Washington Editors, Inc. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.