Don’t enable abuse; stand up for yourself
Dear Solutions: I hope you can help me find a better way to react to my husband when he blames me for things and yells and screams at me. We went to dinner with two other couples, and I wanted to order a clam appetizer. The other two women wanted to share it, so we ordered it for the three of us. When the other two men saw it, they wanted it also and decided to order it for the three of... READ MORE
How to avoid unwanted X-rated lunches
Dear Solutions: I’ve become very friendly with a woman who moved into town recently. She’s divorced. Not too long ago she met a man, and she’s been going out with him a lot and having a lot of sexual experiences. She asks me to have lunch with her very often, and constantly discusses her sexual activity with her boyfriend in detail. We’re both seniors,... READ MORE
Even better than keeping your mouth shut
Dear Solutions: I see my daughter (a corporate something or other) and my son-in-law (a lawyer) spending more and more money on their children instead of spending more and more time with them as they’re growing, and I’m worried. The children think everything is coming to them, and that money is the only important thing to strive for. Of course, they’re not striving since they are... READ MORE
Drop the silent treatment for a fair fight
Dear Solutions: When my wife and I have a disagreement, I keep my temper by not talking any more. She says I give her the silent treatment to punish her. I do this to keep from yelling at her and to end the argument. If I tell her this, it just starts another fight. How can I ever end the fighting? — Warren Dear Warren: I’m afraid your silent “treatment” will never lead to... READ MORE
Some challenges of second marriages
Dear Solutions: I’m about to marry a widower (I’m divorced) who has a very large beautiful house. My fiancé lived there with his wife and children all through the years and even has an office there. He wants me to move into the house, but I’m very nervous about it. I want him to sell it, and we’re beginning to argue about it. His wife’s furnishings are... READ MORE
Issues with daughters over marriages
Dear Solutions: My daughter is getting married this summer, and although I’m thrilled at this news, I’m also very, very angry. My husband, her father, left me after 35 years of marriage, and is now living with the woman with whom he had the affair that broke up our marriage. Now my daughter is very upset because her father told her he won’t come unless that woman is part of the... READ MORE
Turn ‘my’ retirement into ‘our’ retirement
Dear Solutions: Since I retired, my wife keeps making appointments for us to go places and do things constantly. I told her that I worked very hard, and now I just want to stay home and listen to my music, read, relax and do nothing. So now, she doesn’t say anything during the day but just goes out all day. The problem is that as soon as we get into bed at night she starts... READ MORE
Address daughter-in-law issues directly
Dear Solutions: My daughter-in-law came to stay at my house for a few days while she had a job close to where I live but far from where she lives. Without going into details, she just ignored certain ways I do things in my home, and acted as if I could be ignored. I asked her to go to dinner with me, and it was arranged —until her friend called, and then she just broke our... READ MORE
Facing violence and guilt in relationships
Dear Solutions: I’m very concerned about my granddaughter, who is considering marrying her boyfriend. She is confiding in me and asked me, “Can someone love you and still hit you at the same time?” She says she knows her boyfriend loves her and wants to marry her, but when he gets very angry he lashes out at her physically. They’re making wedding plans, but she says that... READ MORE
Lazy, weak men and clueless strangers
Dear Solutions: My husband, who retired recently, is making me more and more angry. Every time I ask him to help with household chores, he refuses and thinks he’s funny when he says he can’t exert himself because he’s protecting me. He says he’s saving me from becoming a widow. I work part time, but because I’m home a lot, he thinks I can do everything myself. I’ve... READ MORE
