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It’s my automatic go-to throwaway line. If I meet a stranger, and he thinks he has met me previously, I will always say: 

“You must have been studying the Wanted posters in the Post Office. I’m up there. Interstate Flight to Avoid Responsibility.” Guffaws are never far behind. 

But it’s time I found some new material. We have just observed the 15th anniversary of the Postmaster General’s decision to remove Wanted posters from Post Offices.  

Yes, they were yanked in 2009 for three reasons.  

One, the internet had taken hold so fully that anyone who wanted to glom onto a photo of a bad guy could do it at home, with two or three clicks. 

Two, far fewer people were going to Post Offices at all, because far fewer people were using the U.S. Mail. So why spend all that public money to print and post?   

Three, the marketing whizzes in Postal-land decided that wall space at Post Offices was better used for sales pitches. Nowadays, you will see ads for Scooby-Doo stamps where desperadoes once glared.  

If all of this is progress, OK, I accept it. But I can’t say goodbye to the likes of John Dillinger and Osama bin Laden without shedding a sentimental tear. 

Wanted posters were scary. Wanted posters were educational. And Wanted posters always produced a little tickle up and down the spine of my younger self. 

(“Oh, wow, there’s Patty Hearst! And right beside her is Ted Bundy! What do I do if I spot them? Should I capture them with my bare hands? Will I get a handshake from the President?”)

Like so many fantasies of those bygone days, mine were never realized. The only thing I ever captured at Post Offices was a packet of stamps. And yes, they always seemed to cost more than they had the last time I bought some. Still do.  

But please return with me now to those thrilling days of yesteryear, when a bank robber would stare out at you, and you’d read… 

“Should be considered armed and dangerous.” (Every poster said this, even when the wanted guy had not committed a violent crime.) 

“Weight between 170 and 210 pounds.” (Doesn’t narrow things down very much, does it?) 

And my favorite: “Born January 15, 1937 — Not supported by birth records.” (Huh? Does that mean the FBI doubts that this guy was ever born? Now THAT would be special, indeed!)

Young-Version-of-Me would read every poster, every time he visited a Post Office. What an amazing array of crimes! Bank robberies galore, but also auto theft, political terrorism, arson, even (once) a theft of stamps.   

Then there were the fingerprints — always neatly arranged in two rows. As J. Edgar Hoover always reminded us, science is a key way to fight crime. And here was science, right before my young eyes — 10 smudges, with loops and whorls.   

I could almost imagine federal agents collaring a most-wanted criminal: “OK, buddy, let’s see the tips of your index fingers. Uh, huh. Thought so. Right this way, buster.” 

Additional lessons lurked among the Wanted posters. Most of the baddies were men. Most were young. Most had not been wanted for very long.  

And most sported some of the worst photographs in the history of photography. 

I remember wondering, as a 10-year-old, why so few bank robbers had gotten haircuts recently. Didn’t they know that their faces were going to be on public display? Didn’t their mothers nag them about their overflowing locks? 

For a while after 2009, Wanted posters were still available at Post Offices. But they were kept in binders behind the counter. You had to ask to see them. Obviously, officials were hoping that no one would.   

Today, some Post Offices still keep binders on hand. But most don’t. The bad guys may not have won, exactly. But their badness is now publicized almost entirely on the internet. 

Of course, this being America, someone has figured a way to make a buck out of this. You can order replicas of Wanted posters online: Pretty Boy Floyd, Jesse James, James Earl Ray. Perfect for your bedroom wall. 

But this sentimental old guy wishes he could restore criminals to their perches of the past.  

To wander into a Post Office and to start reading…(“Wow! He stole a truckful of weapons!..Gee, you mean he really murdered 11 people?”). Well, that was better than anything the internet or TV has ever produced. 

Bob Levey is a national award-winning columnist.